Hospice

End-of-life Care

A recent national survey revealed that Americans are more likely to talk to their children about safe sex and drugs than to their terminally ill parents about choices in care as they near life's final stages.

According to recent surveys, although Americans expect their loved ones to carry out their wishes about end-of-life care, 75 percent have never taken the time to clearly spell out how they wish to be cared for on life's final journey.

If we don't have these discussions, there is no way that our thoughts can be known or respected. By sharing our wishes about end-of-life, we remove a heavy burden from our family and friends who will not have to wonder if they are doing the right thing. It's time we started talking.....

Six points to consider when starting a discussion about end-of-life care:

• Do your homework - Prior to the discussion, learn more about the kinds of end-of-life care options available in your community. Become familiar with all options to determine if they will meet your loved one's needs.
• Choose the setting - Find a quiet, comfortable place free from distraction to hold a one-on-one discussion. A loved one usually wants to share his/her wishes in a private setting. Plan for the conversation - this is not a spur of the moment discussion.
• Ask permission - People cope with end-of-life issues in many ways. Asking permission to discuss this topic assures your loved one that you will respect his/her wishes and honor them. Examples: "I'd like to talk about how you would want to be cared for if you get really sick. Is that OK?" or "If you ever get really sick, I would be afraid of not knowing the kind of care you would want. Could we talk about this now? I'd feel better if we did."
• Talk about it - You have started this conversation because you love this person. Focus on your desire to help him/her maintain a full and happy life, even during difficult times. Use a warm and caring manner. Allow your loved one to set the pace, and use nonverbal communication to offer support. Examples include nodding your head in agreement, holding your loved one's hand, and reaching out to offer a hug or comforting touch.
• Be a listener - This is not a debate. You can't be a good listener if you are talking. Be sure to hear what the person is saying. Listen for the wants and needs that your loved one expresses. Show sensitivity and respect and be truthful and open.
• Be realistic - Many parents tell adult children it is their responsibility to provide care. This is often unrealistic, but sadly, children don't know how to avoid promising what they cannot do or do not know. By planning ahead and having discussions about end-of-life care before a crisis, you'll have time to work out adequate arrangements your whole family can agree on.

Questions to ask your loved one about his/her end-of-life care:

• Would you like a choice in care at the end of life?
• Would you like to spend your final days at home or in a home-like setting?
• Do you feel it's important to have medical attention and pain management tailored to fit your needs?
• Do you feel it's important for you - and your family - to have emotional and spiritual support?

If your loved one responds "yes" to these questions, he/she wants the kind of end-of-life care that Hospice provides.

     By the way, have you told your loved ones your end-of-life care wishes?